I've got a kid who's working for another hour and a half and then has an hour long drive, and my brain is swarming with all kinds of crazy, so here I am to get some of it out. Recently I was at something at church, a specific event for people to help each other in their Christian walk, and there was this older woman going on and on about all of the bad stuff in the world (persecution of Christians, dangerous storms...) this end of the world stuff is not common in the Catholic church. This particular woman doesn't even go to my church, and I think she's got some senility issues (and more), but was basically on a tirade..."what are you doing about this?" kind of thing. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I kind of asked myself what am I doing about that? Praying! That's about all I can do about A LOT of the terrible things that are going on in the world. More recently a similar thing happened on my facebook page. Someone more or less criticized me for not doing anything about a bad situation that has happened locally. Like the loud woman at the church, this person clearly has her own baggage, but sheesh! I am not a fan of confrontation. So often confrontation just comes up out of nowhere. In this case I was totally blindsided. I really don't want to come across hypocritically so I really analyze these kinds of accusations even when they are completely unfounded. How can I sleep at night when there are people being beheaded? When there are kids being abused? When there are wars? When there is so much suffering? etc etc and WHAT AM I DOING ABOUT IT? Well like I said, praying. At least most of the time I'm praying, sometimes, like today it's more of a whiney fist shaking conversation with God. Sometimes you have to put your own oxygen mask on first. After that you have to put the masks on those loved ones who are closest to you. Sometimes that uses up all you have and you just have to pray that the rest of the world gets their oxygen mask. It cannot all depend on me. Tomorrow I am going to a funeral and a dermatology appointment. Jake and Madi are going to hand out food at a local food pantry. Tomorrow night I will teach religious education to 9th graders, while my three kids will be volunteering at the theatre (well one of them might be getting paid). On Thursday I am taking a dear dear friend for cancer treatment. On Thursday I will also be praying for my parents who are going up to CT to be with my brother (who I pray for constantly). Am I tooting my own horn? Maybe, but my point is, my dance card (or prayer card or service card or whatever) is a little full. If most of my day is spent tending to things like this, I'm kind of thrown for a loop when people accuse me of not doing more. Maybe there is more I could do. Maybe writing this is not the absolute best use of my time. Maybe instead of watching reruns of comedies before bed I could do something more worthy. But maybe those comedies are helping me to function or I'd be able to do even less than I'm doing now.
PS I've lost track of how many times I've cried today, sometimes THAT is all you can do.